56

Yep, yesterday was my 56th birthday and I spent it in OKC all day going from one surgeon to another. Remember way back on January 1 when I said no more surgeries!!!! I had 3 last year. Well looks like i am having 2 this year. I feel like I am not really believing it so maybe if i write it here and reread it I will get the idea that "Yep, I am having 2 operations this year"!!!!!! The good news is it isn't my back but my right ankle, and right knee [torn ACL]. Two different doctors and two different hospitals. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo scared to be put to sleep, not because of dying but because I already have so much scare tissue in my throat from the last 9 surgeries. Again, the good news is it isn't my back!!!!! I hope it is over before Lanie Elizabeth is born so I can help Miss Amanda out. Yes, I still called my daughter-in-love Miss. Only because I called her that when I met her and found out she was going to become a teacher. She is adorable and I love her like my own daughter......I keep forgetting she is not my daughter. I tell people that I have three daughters and three sons and three grandchildren. Really, there will be 4 with Lanie. I count Phillip as a son, and Suzy as a daughter as well as Amanda. God has blessed me soooooooooooooooooooo much and I feel sooooooooooooooo unworthy. I am trying harder to be a better mother-in-love and that is hard when you consider them your children. I am working hard on communicateing better and not giving advice that is truely not needed. Shannon has learned to say "Oh Really" and we laugh and I know that she doesn't need any advice. She doesn't hesitate to call when she really needs me. I think my abandonment issues from childhood cause me to need to be needed. I am trying to work on allowing God to take over and I just take care of me and spoil the grandbabies, not raise them. It really is that much more fun when I don't worry all the time.As usual this was just me being me and getting it in writing. Shout out to Ali and Katie bug and Liz, Hugs and Love cj